Stuck in Isolation
I know no one is reading this, because I’m not publicizing it in any way. If anyone were to find it that would be cool but I’m certainly not expecting anything. Shout out to the 1 person who accidentally stumbles upon my rambles, feel free to leave a comment and I will reply, although, again, I don’t think anyone will find this.
Anyways, I just moved into my first apartment! I’m living with some college friends and we are being obscenely careful, and yet one of my friends came down with covid. As soon as she started to feel sick we immediately went into quarantine in our own rooms and wore masks whenever we were in a shared space like getting food from the kitchen. I’m absurdly lucky because so far I have no symptoms and a test I had a day after exposure came back negative. I know that doesn’t mean I’m in the clear so I will go get tested again after the CDC recommended 5 days.
However, that means I am now up to my 3rd straight day in isolation. My bedroom is rather small, just big enough for my desk and a twin sized bed. I love it and it is super cozy, but I am starting to go a little insane. We’ve all obviously been in quarantine for 10ish months now (except ofc essential workers who are keeping the world running), but that whole time I was with my family. There were other people to go annoy or to make me food. There was someone for me to hug when I felt sad. Now it truly is just me.
I can hear people in my apartment building chatting and playing music (and the people in the apartment above me stomping around everywhere!!) which certainly doesn’t help me feel less alone. The way I process everything is through words, particularly through talking — which is what leads to this very stream of consciousness style of writing — and without that it’s hard to feel grounded.
Something I’ve struggled with a lot in COVID has been feeling disconnected from myself. I feel kind of like I’m floating around and just bumping into things instead of making conscious decisions and taking control of my own life. It’s easy for me to slip into that place of confusion and disconnect particularly when there is not much for me to do.
I am in college, and classes just started back up again, so there’s that, but it still feels kind of fake. It’s hard to focus and it’s hard to succeed. Not sure what my point is, but that kind of is the point… that I don’t have one. At least writing this helps me feel a bit more like I am processing what is going on instead of just spiraling. I don’t know…
If you do read this, I hope you are having a good day, and if you aren’t wrap yourself in a blanket fill up a glass of water and go watch something that makes you happy, tomorrow is a new day :)
Miss Cranberry
